Prescription

Close to an entire month since my initial diagnosis, I have been finally issued a prescription for Ritalin. I was given the option between Ritalin and Strattera. Ritalin is more well known, but since patents have long since expired, it can be purchased as a generic, as opposed to Strattera, which is still under patent, and therefore costs $8 per day for dosage. Therefore, my starter prescription only ends up costing about $10 CDN, after government healthcare subsidies are factored in.

Even though I have suspected ADHD for quite some time, I have been resistant from treatment due to fears of eroding away my personality and simply giving in to the "shut up, take your Soma, and be a good little gamma" mentality (bonus points if you understand the reference). Maybe I am giving up. Maybe I'm finding it too easy to just start doing what everyone expects of me. Maybe I just hate myself that much. I realize that pills aren't necessarily going to fix that, but it makes taking pills much easier.

A good friend of mine whose opinion I trust and value ended up being the only one I have informed of my condition. One thing I'm already aware of is that people will look at you differently if they know that you're on brain chemistry altering medication. As it is, I ever indicated to the people around me that I suspected ADHD, they would quickly dissuade me from taking medication with potential side effects. Somewhat expected, her response was like the others, except she quoted Mr. Mackey from the infamous episode of South Park, "Drugs are bad, mmmmkay?"

Considering the amount of illegal substances the two of us have consumed in each other's company and her own nicotine addiction, her saying this may be construed as double standard. But, considering the potential risks involved, I understand where she's coming from. People don't die from marijuana use or become addicted to it. Ritalin, on the other hand, has been linked with heart problems, insomnia, psychosis, suicidal thoughts, and potential for abuse. There exists a black market for Ritalin among college students, where what is typically a 25 cent tablet goes for a street value of $3-15.

I realize as a friend, she's only looking out for me, much like I have recently ragged on her for her most recent failed attempt at quitting cigarettes. However, this is something I need to find out for myself. Are diagnosed conditions such as depression and ADHD no more than a social construct intended to inflate the pocket books of Eli Lilly and Pfizer? I don't know. All I realize is that I have never fit in anywhere and I just need to know what it's like, just for once.